Silver or Gold? Vicki Irvin
Have you ever heard that phrase, “make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold?”
I remember learning that song when I was in elementary school, my friends and I used to sing it all the time. And like many people, I mistakenly thought that the longer your relationships were in terms in length, that means they were stronger than any new ones you would ever make as you grew older.
I was speaking with a client the other day who was letting me know she was distracted from her work because she had a HUGE fall out with her girlfriend of over 15 years. The way she was talking about the whole debacle made it seem as if they were married! LOL
As women, we value our friendships very much. We love and bond with our hair stylists and use them for therapy, right? If we go to another hairdresser we feel like we are cheating on them!
After listening to my client’s devastation it all boiled down to her feeling as if her friend was disloyal. She went on and on about how much she had done for her and how she was there for her when nobody else in the world was. And now, this person turned on her, betrayed her and showed her “true colors” as she put it.
I felt her pain, I really did. But as much as I felt her pain, as her coach I needed to put things into perspective for her based on my own experiences in life and how I have drastically changed my views on friendships and relationships in general.
First off, life is life. If you believe for ONE minute that you will never face tough times or devastation you are kidding yourself. NOBODY sails through life without challenges, heart breaks and major let downs. So you had better be prepared!
Second, although loyalty is GREAT and indeed an admirable quality…I’m sorry, but the amount of people who will ever TRULY be loyal to you, you can count on one hand.
Being loyal requires a few things. It requires a person to have conviction. It requires a person to blindly trust and believe in you when others will not. It requires people to have stances that most will be against. It requires a person to go with their gut versus what is popular. And it requires a person who is prepared to suffer consequences with you when nobody else will.
So my point is that no matter how LONG you have been friends or even in a great romantic OR business relationship with someone, you will NEVER know who is loyal to you until that person is tested. Unfortunately for my client, her friendship was tested 15 years in. THAT is why she is devastated. She believed the longevity of the friendship automatically meant something more than what it really does.
Have you ever had someone come into your life who is practically a stranger that ended up holding you down beyond your wildest dreams? Or perhaps they did something for you that your own family would have never done? There is your proof that it is not about the length of the relationship, but rather the heart and soul of the person.
So the next time you put your EVERYTHING into your relationships, remember that you will NEVER know who is really silver and who is really gold until they pass the test!
Cheers to Business, Beauty & Balance,